Vote For The Funny Man To Be London Mayor
WE like our politicians to be funny. John McCain is not that funny. Mike Huckabee is funnier. Hillary Clinton is terrifically unfunny. William Hague can be funny.
And on the hustings the London mayoral candidates are setting them up and banging them in.
Their latest session lasted 100-minutes and can be bought on DVD. Some highlights:
Boris Johnson arrives seven minutes late because Mr Livingstone was delayed by London’s transport problems.
Boom-boom!
Boris Johnson (Tory) to Ken Livingstone (Labour): “I am willing to give free lessons – in complete safety and discretion. It is high time that, like me and every other cyclist in London, you face the full horror of trying to overtake a bendy bus.”
Senior Tory on Boris: “Every time he does open his mouth, we keep our fingers crossed,” one admitted. “We will be sweating right up to 1 May.”
Ken Livingstone: “You can’t have candidates saying ‘I am in favour of nuclear power and I am terribly green’ … that ‘I am going to be the greenest mayor ever but I applauded George Bush for not signing the Kyoto treaty’. It is rubbish.”
Mr Johnson: “Stuff and nonsense.”
Chortle
A double act:
Sian Berry, the Green Party candidate: You’re all just “men in suits”
Liberal Democrat candidate, Brian Paddick, the gay former senior Metropolitan Police officer: “I think people would raise a few eyebrows if I turned up in a dress.”
Yadda-yadda-yadda
Paddick then shows his absurdist bent: “Burnishing his green credentials, Mr Paddick suggested that he would have the smallest carbon footprint of the four candidates on the platform. He didn’t own a car, he walked everywhere, he had had the heating on in his one-bedroom flat for only 45 minutes this winter.”
Anorak: Perhaps he walks to get warm?
Livingstone: “Mr Livingstone promised that, by 2010, the Thames would be the cleanest river in a major capital and people would start swimming in it.”
Cue Boris in a pair of trunks…
Ends.
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Politicians Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
