The Book Of Anorak
THE Book of Anorak: “Extracts from the book of Anorak, part of the Apocrypha, found amongst the
Dead Sea Scrolls.”
As told by The Anorak Forumites:
Abraham’s Sacrifice
9. And they came to a place which god had told him of; And Abraham built an
alter there, and laid the wood in order and bound Isaac his son and laid him
on the alter upon the wood
10. And Abraham stretched forth his hand and took the knife to slay his son.
11. And a voice crieth from a bush nearby saying ‘Stop, for that is child
abuse. For I am a zealous son of the tribe of Levi and we knoweth of all
things neglectful’.
12. Abraham spoke thus saying, ‘I am but doing the will of my god and it may
yet have a happy ending for such is the will of the lord’. ‘That matters
not for thou art at least guilty of child neglect’, crieth the Levite.
13. ‘Verily’ cried the voices of the multitude, for such had gathered about
the scene like a plague of flies around an ass’s’ droppings. ‘Thou art
guilty at least of child neglect and we shall report thou at the earliest
opportunity, for thou art a traveller that doth wander from place to place
without a proper job’.
14. And a voice spake unto the multitude from within, saying, ‘Let us hear
what Abraham has to say and judge him truly when the facts are full known’.
And the multitude did shout him down and pour scorn upon him. And one who
knew him said ‘ He is the son of a tax collector from a southern port and his
father doth do work for Charity’. And the scorn of the multitude was
increased even unto three or four fold thereof.
15. And the voices of the multitude did increase with cries of ‘Thou
supportest child neglect and must be stoned’ and ‘Thou art going from here
unto the place of your abode in an ambulance’ and ‘Where dost thou live? Art thou
married? And what art thou wearing tonight?’ For yea! There were women present
within the multitude.
16. And the lord looked down and saw what had become of his creation and he
was not pleased and did summon unto him his archangel and saith unto him.
‘Go forth and sort this out in the name of my unborn son, for it is becoming
as a carbuncle upon my nether regions’.
17. Thus, the angel of the lord did descend upon the multitude and did smite them mightily both left and right scattering the multitude before his wrath. And it came to
pass that the Levite and the Son of the tax collector were driven hence for
a time unto the wilderness and peace did descend upon the land.
18. And the multitude did bleat and wander for they were a shepherdless flock and did
return to grazing and swapping of recipes and lusting after each other and
the child of Abraham was forgot for a time.
19. Came the next day’s dawn and a great shout was heard amongst the multitude
‘New Thread! New Thread! and the multitude did depart this place for another.
There are many other scrolls in the collection relating to the Story of
Abraham as laid out in the book of Anorak but they all appear to be very
much the same.
Posted: 14th, March 2008 | In: Reviews Comments (7) | TrackBack | Permalink
