Andrew Johnston Eats Pie Jesu

WHEN Charlotte Church sang Pie Jesu on TV’s Big Big Talent Show, a nation wept.

We’d heard it before of course, when former Mrs Andrew Lloyd-Webber Sarah Brightman sang it; when pubescent snowman Aled Jones sang it; when Madonna sang American Pie; when every keen –to-get-along child sang it.

So here’s Andrew Johnston singing it on TV’s Britain’s Got Talent. He’s the “schoolboy who sang away the bullying bullies.” Young 13-year-old Johnston says he has been bullied for singing but will not be stopped.

And Johnston’s sympathetic backstory does end there. The Mail says he lives on a council estate…in the north of England. He lives there with his mother. His father left when he was eight-months old. “On occasion she had to feed her children on bread and milk.”

Sweet Jesus, how can this boy not win? Only a godless, child-hating swine would not vote for him to be Britain’s Most Talented Pie Jesu singer of the year.

Save Andrew. Says he in the Sun: “Loads of kids my age are drinking. I don’t want to grow up and drink and do drugs.” We hear the warning. Should we make Andrew a celebrity and in so doing expose him to drink and drugs?

Thankfully, there are many others. Right now, hundreds mums and dads are training their child to sing the song that guarantees talent show success.

Of course, there is the risk of staleness , and we urge parents and kids to change things around a little, to sing Pie Jesus in the style of, say, Kylie Minogue, Joe Dolce or a virginal 50 Cent…

Video: Old Mr Anorak’s children make a bid for fame