Chavscot: Getting ‘Em Off At Ascot
IT’S Chavscot, the Ascot racing jamboree, staged in a beery hall by a circular midget farm in Surrey.
The Independent leads with a picture of two women dressed in matching day-glo dresses and feathery hats. Below them is the headline: “GM crops needed in Britain says minister.”
Well, we’ve already got GM people, dressed the same, behaving the same, homogenised by a diet of Bacardi Breezers, curry sauce and horse manure.
And they’re told what to wear by the Duke of Devonshire, who decreed that anyone entering the Royal enclosure should not wear mini skirts or strappy dresses (back to the closet, Eddie) and avoid streaky bottle tan, electing instead to bronze on a former plantation in the Caribbean.
The Telegraph Bryony Gordon wants to fit in and in “Ditch the decorum for a day at Royal Ascot” is advised by a “kind soul” to act like a lady.
At this juncture I probably should have given the “gentleman” in question a slap and told him to go back in time a few centuries and ask another lady…but, as I am shallow and cheap…”
It then dawns on the Telegraph’s woman in a paddock: “I dress like a bit of a slapper. And I am not alone. My entire generation dresses like a bit of a slapper, because there is precious little else to dress like given the choice of clothes on the high street.”
And not onyl does talking about dressing like a slapper get you in the papers, but dressing like one does, too. Take a long leering look at the young woman the Sun shows bending over to retrieve a canary yellow hat.
Says the paper: “THIS was the scene at Royal Ascot yesterday as swirling winds saw punters losing their HATS – as well as their shirts. “
And blouses, knickers, inhibitions…
Posted: 19th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Tabloids Comments (5) | TrackBack | Permalink
