How To Be A Great British Briton
“GREAT TO BE BRITISH,” says the Daily Mail.
And it is as good a slogan for the paper, and the country, as any. But what does being British mean in today’s confused world?
Anorak investigates:
First up, all Great Britons are white of skin, as is dictated in the Doomsday Book.
Each Great Briton is wearing the New Uniform – smart white tracksuit, with blue flashes and red piping. “A combination of retro colonial cool with the hottest precinct fashion” – Prince Charles
Identity cards are out and medals are in. All Great Briton will be required to carry a metal disc, with metals denoting their status:
MPs: Paper
Lords: Ermine
Celebrities: Silicon, dyed a rich vermillion
Immigrants: Brussel sprout
Non-doms: Palladium
Royals: Iron
Facial expression: A stiff-upper-lipped grin
Language: Ability to speak English – and only English – at all times, reducing and raising levels of English according to the audience’s level of “foreigner” 9determiend by distance form Trent Bridge…
No passports required.
Posted: 18th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
