The Large Hadron Collider Has Killed Everyone
THE LARGE Hadron Collider has killed everyone. If you are reading this you are dead. If you are not reading this you are dead.
DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Gill Hornby: “Before the world ends, I just wanted to say: I told you so”
In my own branch of Astrophysics, CKtC – or, to give it its full name, Curiosity Killed the Cat – we jolly well wish they wouldn’t.
Stalking celebrities for science: Alexander Fsachem needs celebs to make sense of the universe on the BBC…
Yet in taking on the challenge of persuading not only the laboratories at Cern (the European Organisation for Nuclear Research) but also Radio 4 to devote a day of programming to particle physics, I have become a kind of weird, celebrity-obsessed stalker, more at home writing for the gossip pages of a Sunday tabloid than in the halls of academe.
Which celebs can tells us all about the big bang, Alexander?
- John Barrowman (actor, Dr Who time traveller)
- Brian Cox (popstar-cum-boffin, New Labour weather machine)
- Robbie Williams (popstar, millennium enthusiast, amn who “plans to hire a jet ski to look for UFOs said to have landed in the sea off Malibu – Sun)
- Mick Jagger (pop star, ceiling gazer)
- Brian May (pop star, ‘Mr Dirty Den’, science student)
- David Blaine (international man of magic)
- Dara O’Briain (BBC telly presenter, “former cosmologist”)
- Eddie Izzard (comic, tranny)
GILLIAN REYNOLDS: “On radio: I wish a black hole would devour Fi and her friends”
“I am completely fed up with Big Bang Day on Radio 4, and it hasn’t even happened yet”
THE SUN: “WE SURVIVED:”
“If you are reading this after 8:3o am it means the world has not been destroyed by the Big Bang Machine… YET”
Although any news from Switzerland?
“DOOM IN 4 YEARS”- It could take 4 years for the experiment to bring doomsday, says some scientists”
DAILY MIRROR: “HAWKING: THE WORLD WILL NOT END TODAY.”
Too late! Abort plan to storm Buckingham Palace. Abort!
The Mirror says that if you are reading this after “9:15am” then you are alive, or the Daily Mirror is part of purgatory. Satan is back…
DAILY STAR: “EARTH MOVES FOR BIG BANG.”
“WHATEVER happens at 8:15 today it’s the end of the worlds as we know it.”
Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True, Tabloids Comments (42) | TrackBack | Permalink
