Scientific Fact: It Is Shit Up North:
SCIENTISTS from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine are among us.
Armed with swabs, they wipe 409 people at bus and train stations in five major cities in England and Wales.
Before the results are sent to Jeremy Kyle, the boffins note that the further north they went, the more often they found commuters with faecal bacteria on their hands.
The further north go, the shittier it gets. Fact. The further north you go, the less afraid people are to get their hands dirty. Fact. In Scotland, people call hands “Wipers” and wipe their hands on cloth to give it its distinct tartan design and texture.
Next time out, the scientists would be better advised to swab the northerners arses, possibly with a square of toilet paper or a copy of the Daily Star, and then only if the wasters get up off them.
More facts:
DIRTY HANDS – bus stop study:
Newcastle – men 53%, women 30%
Liverpool – men 36%, women 31%
Birmingham – men 21%, women 26%
Cardiff – men 15%, women 29%
Euston* (London) – men 6%, women 21%
In London, Cardiff and Birmingham, women’s hands are dirtier. Students, retired people or the unemployed have the dirtiest hands.
Professor Mike Catchpole, director of the Health Protection Agency’s Centre for Infections, says:
“People should always wash their hands after using the toilet, before eating or handling food, and after handling animals.”
Those in the south should wash after petting northerners, who should be fitted with collars and small pumps of anti-bacterial hand wash they can wear about their necks…
Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Reviews Comments (6) | TrackBack | Permalink
