Listed: XI football pundits who don’t deserve to survive the credit crunch
There are too many bad football pundits and commentators. Here are 11 we can live without…
Tim Lovejoy
Professional football bore with less charm than Peter Mandelson. Lovejoy is the poster boy for every football-loving, lager-swilling, vindaloo-eating, Nuts-reading, Ben Sherman-wearing, Sky dish-owning, Ford Focus-driving, small-town, small-minded lad. Yes, we know you supported Chelsea back when they were crap. Well done. Now shut up.
David ‘Platty’ Platt
Less-than-zero personality – god damn, his voice is dull – and his face is out of proportion, a bit like Admiral Ackbar’s.
Andy Gray
Good when he started, but has now descended to shouty self-parody. Needs to get over his crush on Steven ‘You Beauty!’ Gerrard.
Garth Crooks
As sinister as any Bond villain. Appears to be under the illusion that he is a serious investigative journalist.
Mark Bright
Can’t string a cliche together, let alone a sentence. Look up ‘inane’ in the dictionary and Brighty’s face will be smiling back at you, like a lobotomised puppy’s. Depressing really.
David Pleat
Old-school ‘football man’ = set in his ways, can’t pronounce the names of any foreign players.
Alan Green
Cheer the f**k up you miserable c**k. His voice alone makes us very angry indeed. And you won’t like it when we’re angry.
Steve Claridge
Possessed of a narrow-minded journeyman mentality, like so many English footballers who never achieved anything in their careers.
Alan Shearer
For all the wit Shearer brings to the punditry game, the BBC might as well hire a house brick and place it next to Alan Hansen on their Match of the Day sofa.
John Motson
Uncle Motty mistakes trivia for insight. A crucial mistake.
Phil Thompson
Admirably unbiased (ahem):
You’re not down the pub, Thommo.
Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Sports Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
