Scare Stories: Alcopop Lane, Bowel Cancer And Rogarians
SCARE Stories: Alcopop Lane, Bowel Cancer and Rogarians in the Daily Wail…
SUNDAY
“ER, Cheryl, those dimples won’t really make your face weight less” – Liz Jones faces Cheryl Cole”
“Whatever you do don’t let them steal our Christmas” – We must not let those damn Yankees steal our German Christmas trees, Israeli Jesus, French champagne, Icelandic booze brownies, American turkeys and all those other trapping of the British season of goodwill…
MONDAY
“Why UK innocents may be branded criminals boards”
“The cruel torture of ‘Posh Ed’” – the BBC’s Ed Stourton is sacked from his job fronting Radio 4’s Today show and water boarded, says Peter McKay
TUESDAY
“THE NEW GIN LANE – It’s a notorious image of alcoholic degradation – a drunken mother lettering her baby fall into the gutter. But 250 years on, says Winifred Robinson, the most distressing drinkers are children themselves”
“I spent £20,000 trying to beat ME with quack cures. And all I really needed to do was slow down” – Suzi Walker, the former Wag with t the coffee machine and china leopard, finds a cure for ME
“How heavy drinking can destroy your hip bones”
“Nora was in agony – so doctors cut a bone out of her thumb”
WEDNESDAY
Bowel cancer test ‘misses 40% of cases’” – And you thought you were clear…
“Why is the State so utterly incompetent?” A.N. Wilson wonders
“Middle classes ‘priced out of private schools’” – We’re all upper class now
“Nicola McLean launches YET ANOTHER lingerie range (and unwittingly reveals her stretch marks)” – No, not on her Jordans. On her mummy tummy
“Fans’ fears over ‘fragile and emaciated’ Cheryl Cole after daring cutaway dress reveals her ribcage” – see: Cheryl, Alexandra and Co have the legs factor with their shiny PVC pins
FRIDAY
“Toxic Irish beef has reached UK shops” – vote no to toxic Irish EU beef
“As dole queues grow, 5,000 more migrants are given work visas – Thousands more Bulgarians and Romanian workers will be allowed into Britain next year despite rising unemployment.” The Rogarians are coming! And they coming to do all the crap jobs you don’t want to do! Hurrah!
“Credit crunch parents forced to desert the private schools” Desert? “One in ten councils says fee-paying parents have contacted them to ask for places at state nurseries, primary schools and secondaries”
Such are the, er, facts.
“Flu bug runs rampant” – Run!
Posted: 20th, December 2008 | In: Reviews Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
