Winners And Losers In X Factor Street Names Olympics
THE silly season beings news of The New Local Government Network, a body that says councils should hold X Factor-style contests to find public place names.
Lord Nelson’s Column will have to go mano-a-mano with Beckham Arch, the renamed Marble Arch, with struts painted in the manner of Day-vid’s parted legs and two massive golden globes hanging from the rafters.
The report wants London Mayor Boris Johnson to make it so that any British athlete who wins more than two medals at the 2012 Olympic Games will have a London street named after them.
Jack London (1928 silver medallist, 100m) had an entire City named after him; Eric Liddell (1924 Gold, 400meters) is remembered in a chain of thrift shops; Guy Butler (1920 bronze, 400 metres) is marked, controversially, as one half of a tobacco stained duo.
In a nod to the cry of the people, report author James Hulme says Edinburgh should rename its public library after Harry Potter author JK Rowling, who lives in Scotland.
Birmingham should honour Lord Of The Rings writer JRR Tolkien (Lord of the Bullring). Says he:
“Celebrating the achievements of local people would give areas a unique identity and focus, especially at a time when there is concern over so called ‘clone towns’ of identikit High Streets”
– such as the Beverly Towns, the Yorkshire Nolans and the Lesser and greater Milibands.
“It would also be a strong sign that local areas are proud of their heritage and be an opportunity to enlighten newcomers and tourists to the area of the many things achieved there.”
This is where Kerry Katona bought her first jacket potato; this is the very street where Liam Gallagher coughed up his first gob; here’s Jordan cul-de-sac, twinned with Jordan cul-de-sac in France.
The wonder will be if Ashley Cole Close encourages property prices to dip faster than Noel Edmonds Way?Hhe goes on:
“I think it’s great for local democracy and local pride if people can name their public spaces after the people who are important to them.”
So here’s Nan Park, My Auntie Joyce Lane, Darth Vader Avenue, Mum’s New Boyfriend Street and Jeremy Kyle Corner.
“They may choose national icons. But they may also choose their community’s unsung heroes; those who serve others and win the respect and admiration of the people around them.”
But why wait? Anorak is a big fan of “Tig Boyz”, whose works enlivens the moribund cityscape. And as luck has it, the Boyz have been already spray painting the local street signage and residents can now call down “Lisa Compton Is A S*** Way on their way to “Danny I Gonna Get It Lane” and “Armani Jones Does It For ****s” buildings…
Posted: 22nd, December 2008 | In: Reviews Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
