Kennel Club Announces Amnesty For British Bulldog
FAREWELL the British bulldog, noble hounds with face like a British football hooligan swallowing defeat.
The Times says the bulldog embodies “defiance and pugnacity”. And it is to disappear.
New breeding standards instigated by the Kennel Club means the new Bulldog will have a “shrunken face, a sunken nose, longer legs and a leaner body”.
It’s new Bulldog for a new modern Britain.
Says Robin Searle, of the British Bulldog Breed Council:
“Snuffle, thrwwwwt, snort, pant, pant, thrwwwwwffff.”
Translation:
“What you’ll get is a completely different dog, not a British bulldog.”
The Kennel club says:
“The breed standards have been revised so they will not include anything that could in any way be interpreted as encouraging features that might prevent a dog breathing, walking and seeing freely.”
Such as chewing a wasp, biting the legs off a German stormtrooper or too much real ale.
There is to be a Bulldog Amnesty:
* All existing bulldogs will be placed on a rack and stretched.
* Bulldogs to be required to attend a “Dog Brothel” and couple with Afghan Hounds and Lurchers
* Anyone sporting a bulldog tattoo will be required to have the image altered to reflect the breed’s changes. Fat men are encouraged to get “long and lean”.
* British bulldog, favoured game of the school playground, will be rebranded “EU Dog Pile”. Doggers will be required to desist form slapping people in the head as they run to safety and instead be encouraged to photograph them and report all suspicius activities to the Spy In The Sky. CCTV will observe.
* There will be version for Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
* Images of Winston Churchill be photoshopped to give him added height, a longer nose and darker skin.
That is all.
Posted: 14th, January 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Reviews Comments (9) | TrackBack | Permalink
