Smells Of The World: BO, Impaler And Scents From The UN
SMELL that? In Switzerland, it is the smell of civic pride:
A Swiss research group says a study it conducted found that women’s underarms typically smell like onions, while men’s smell like cheese.
So much for the Swiss, a nation of Nazis, melted cheese on sticks and assisited suicide. It’s the Swiss signature scent that tells Milanese it’s a north wind that blows.
What of the rest of the nations? What do we smell of?
Professor Tim Jacob of Cardiff University said the test results would likely vary in other parts of the world – “Other factors include what you eat, what you wash with, what you wear and what genes you inherit””
Anorak has been out on the streets of London and found that while Poles smell of sweat and builder’s dust, most Britons smell of Vimto, warm sofa and Chewits.
Some others to sniff out for:
America:
BO leads with the intense freshness of free range goat herder and the coconut and pineapple-infused sparkle of Hawaiian Tropic. Note the virile blend of hope and star anise which finishes down with undertones of second-hand car and wafer.
Iran
Ah-Mad smacks you in the jaw and foams on application. This flammable concoction of petrol, gas and yellow cake can also be used as a mouthwash. Nothing says “I’m gonna **** you up” quite so spectacularly as Ah-Mad. Best served microwaved.
Russia
Pulverises the senses with top notes of newly minted cash, before pummelling the senses with an ack-ack of nerve-jangling liniment and threat of Polonium 210. A real kick to the throat. Resilient and all but impossible to remove after application, Impaler keeps coming back for more and more and more. Available as a gassy spritzer or 25cl mixer. Cash only.
Dubai
An oily fusion of instant gratification served in a solid gold speed boat with diamond rope rigging and 25 Rolls Royce Engines on a bed of Siberian tiger perineums. Although Bazillion requires repeated spraying, and each application lasts only 17 minutes, every injection of scent contains sand-styled gold dust that gilds everything it touches. A true experience for all the senses. With free beach towel.
France
Low tones of pressed underpants mingle with lower tones of orange crate, ignited Renault and out-the-box action figure, energetic Nickerless’s unconventional packaging makes it the ultimate discretion, able to be worn behind the ear, on a shoulder or in a smart breast pocket.
Buy now!
Posted: 30th, January 2009 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
