Death Cooled Down: Roxanne Cheats Death On Dancing On Ice
IT’S Dancing On Ice, the show that puts Coleen Nolan in pair of skates and makes her lead turn in a melange of top-heavy TV heavyweights, literally.
There’s Gemma Bissix, Melinda Messenger, Zoe Salmon and Jessica Taylor, who was runner-up in BBC1’s Strictly Ice Dancing, in 2004.
They said Taylor would never do ice again, but the show’s booker hadn’t updated her celebrity contacts list for a few years, so Jessica is in.
Those are the ones you might recognise.
And what of Pallett, billed as “Brave” on the Star’s front page – which is tabloid shorthand for “suffering from cancer” or “destined to lose”?
Roxanne is topless. Star readers see her back, which is being spray by something. Is that hair removal ointment? No, it’s a spray that stems the pain that is so bad she may have to quit the show.
Last time we saw Roxanne she was in Emmerdale, pinning up her lover on a harrow. Is this wound reality karma for actions in her soap life? Is fact and fiction and reality all merged into one abrasion on the Pallett back?
“ROXY: MOMENT I THOUGHT I’D DIE,” says the headline.
Her back is “shredded to bits”. The “headbanger” move has gone wrong. (What happens when it goes right?) Roxanne says she has “cheated death”. Rozanne tells of her “horrific accident”. She has “severe ice burn”.
And the update is that – Yes!!! – she can go on. Roxanne laughs in the face of death; and her agent remembers how Michael Underwood was recalled to this season’s soulless experience having cheated death last year.
If a BBC teatime talent can come back from the dead, then so can Roxanne.
But can Coleen..?
Posted: 9th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (3) | TrackBack | Permalink
