Susan Boyle To Sing At Oscars

SUSAN Boyle Watch: In which the Huffington Post’s Sarah Walker tells of her “fears” for Susan Boyle.

Anorak has highlighted some terrific opinion on Britain’s Got Talent’s Susan Boyle, noteworthy:

* This woman is my sister.

* So, just as the unemployed Susan Boyle is storming the states with her unexpectedly inspirational rendition of “I dreamed a dream”, equity markets appear to be putting in a not dissimilar inspirational performance — leading many market commentators to profess the recession may in fact be over and done with.

* Susan Boyle: My definition of actualizing potential by allowing the energy of the universe to flow through you.

* Susan Boyle surpasses Barack Obama as the most popular human being on the planet

* I’m still stuck on Susan Boyle, and still weeping. I suppose that’s so 24 hours ago, and I should be thinking instead about how Mel Gibson’s divorce might affect his box-office cred with conservative Catholics.

* If Susan Boyle had not existed, the Noughties would have had to invent her to prevent the decade from crashing into its own looking glass

Sarah Walker worries:

As Susan Boyle’s stardom catapults to unknown and unimaginable heights, here is what I fear for the future:

Fear (our thoughts in brackets):

* The phrase, “He/She is no Susan Boyle” referring to the next unattractive person who competes on a reality show who doesn’t have her talent.

Sarah Walker is the Susan Boyle of writing.

* Alternately, the phrase, “Pulling a Boyle” if someone is unattractive and surprises people by succeeding at something.

Surely, “Lancing a Boyle”, Susan?

* People yelling at me for calling Susan Boyle unattractive.

Amongst other things…

* The Susan Boyle Movie (Working title: “I Dreamed a Dream”) with Susan Boyle played by Hollywood Actress Anne Hathaway in heavy makeup.

Boyle can player herself. Either in straight-to-tissue Lez Jizzerables, or as Armani Dolce, the name Boyle used since birth, until she happened upon the ingenious Boyle creation (created by fight wig, fat suit and rubber mask).

* The interviews with Anne Hathaway detailing her weight gain to play the role of Susan Boyle. (Anne Hathaway loves ice cream!)

Weight loss. See above.

* The woman’s magazine articles explaining Anne Hathaway’s Ways To Lose Weight (And Fast!). (No more ice cream!)

Remove fat suit.

* Anne Hathaway’s tearful Oscar speech when she wins Best Actress for her role as YouTube Singing Sensation Susan Boyle in “I Dreamed a Dream.” (She could have never done it without Susan Boyle).

Okay, enough with the doe-eyed, simpering Hathaway.

* Anne Hathaway calling Susan Boyle on stage with her during her acceptance speech. (I do look forward to Susan Boyle saying something charming and Scottish).

Something typically Scottish, like: “F*** you, you papist ****!”, “Freedom for Scotland” or “Got any spare change?”

* Anne Hathaway/Susan Boyle duet at the Oscar ceremony with Sting as surprise guest.

Like the Olympics all over.

• The Susan Boyle Halloween costumes.

See Armani Dolce for details…

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