Susan Boyle Faces Death

HAVING negotiated the journey to fame and rehab, Susan Boyle is now staring death in the face.

Earlier Our Susan was in rehab, following a makeover. Now Susan Boyle moves onto Stage 3 of her media narrative: the decline.

Susan is being spoken about in the same breath as death. Who is death? No, it’s not Simon Cowell, who has had his maw darkened to make his teeth appear ever brighter.

In “Piers: Boyle will be the death of me”, the Sun’s Carla Lee says:

JUDGE Piers Morgan revealed yesterday he is sick to death of the mania over Britain’s Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle.

Piers is now on celebrity suicide watch, joining such causes for concern as:

Jack Tweed
Knut
Bankers
Soldiers
Shannon Matthews’ kidnapper
JK Rowling
Heather Locklear
Pete Wentz
Jordan twice!
Britney Spears thrice!!…
Big Brother star
Jo O’Meara
Jade Goody
Paris Hilton
Amy Winehouse
Paul Gascoigne

Piers said: “The phenomenon has got so insane I’ve got a horrible feeling that when I die the headlines are now going to read, ‘Judge in Susan Boyle video dies’.

“If you think Susan Boyle mania is out of control in Britain you should try being in America, as I am at the moment.

“Every TV show, magazine, newspaper, and radio station is absolutely obsessed with her. Right now she is the hottest star in the US.

“When you think that the likes of poor old Robbie Williams and Jonathan Ross have been trying for 15 years to crack it here, and she’s done it in just a week, this does seem a little unfair. But hey, that’s showbiz.”

And showbiz means that Susan Boyle won’t win: