Susan Boyle To Tour Australia And US

SUSAN Boyle Watch: In which Susan appears on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!

“HAIRY ANGEL IN THE JUNGLE – Susan Boyle to Star in I’m A Celebrity.”

So announces the Daily Star.

HAIRY Angel Susan Boyle could soon be going ape as she is being lined up for jungle fun on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!

So says the Daily star in more circumspect fashion than that headline statement of fact. But what of singing simian Susan?

Well, if you want insight, the Star has it:

ITV’s top brass are looking to capitalise on her worldwide domination.

By sticking her in the overgrown Blue Peter Garden with a cast of former soap stars, a mo-del oiling down her massive Jordans and Preparation ‘H’ from Steps? This is aiming too small. This is Susan Boyle, Queen of the Jungle and lands beyond. This is Planet Earth. This is her domain:

Susan, who has had over 100million hits on the internet, making her more popular than US president Barack Obama, 47, is in the frame for a starring role in the hit reality show after hosts Ant and Dec, both 33, put her name forward.

Boyle is bigger than Barack: he gets the keys to the nuclear facility and the treasury; Boyle gets constipation in Australia and to look up top Ant ‘n’ Dec.

A show source whispers:

“Susan would be TV gold if she went in the jungle. She’s the biggest celebrity of the year so far. I don’t think there’s anyone in the country who doesn’t know who she is.”

Unless you’ve been living under a rock…

“Having her in the jungle would be a massive boost, not to mention helping us attract audiences from around the world. Every one of those millions of people who logged on to the web to see her would go to our website to see what she’s doing. If we sold advertising on the clips it’d be worth a fortune.”

Again, not enough. Why not fashion Susan’s eyebrows into a Nike swoosh, pile her hair into the form of a L’Oreal shampoo bottle and have children throw cans at her head.

“The British public love someone who is bonkers and funny. I think they would easily fall in love with her straight away.”

And so Susan Boyle, nicknamed the Hairy Angel, called Simple Susie, hits back at her bullies and detractors by shouting at pigeons for our entertainment.

Susan Boyle – the theological and moral lesson she taught us has changed us all…

Susan Boyle – all things to all media…

Pictures and Icons:

Susan Boyle Secret Picture Gallery
Pictures: Susan Boyle Naked
Susan Boyle’s New Hair And Face Makeover: Pictures
Susan Boyle’s New Eyebrows
Susan Boyle’s New Image Bikini Body
Susan Boyle Is A Fake: Proof
The Susan Boyle Barbie Doll
Susan Boyle Models Kate Moss
Susan Boyle: Simple Susie’s New Teeth
The Susan Boyle Pizza
Shy Susan is Armani Dolce...