Susan Boyle’s Wild Horses Is No. 1 Pick At Funerals

SUSAN Boyle is back. With the recession cured, Susan is her to make the world a better place. Susan Boyle, the most famous woman on planet Earth, the woman who drove Michael Jackson to drugs, is to release her debut single, a cover version of the Rolling Stones classic, Wild Horses, Wild Hair.

Dressed like the Pope, Susan Boyle touches down in Los Angeles, her city, her people, her angels.

Susan Boyle must have watched Eddie Murphy’s Holy Man on the flight and thought it was a documentary.

The Scottish spinster was greeted by cheering fans and more than 50 paparazzi clamouring to get a shot of her after she touched down at LAX airport. She lapped up the attention by smiling, blowing kisses and waving for the cameras while her burly security guards tried to force a path through the paparazzi frenzy to her waiting SUV. A chant of “Susan! Susan!” broke out in the chaos…

You can listen to the song here of just wait for it to reach you, either via mini cab, a lift, your great aunts musical interlude as he slides into the crematorium furnace or the new theme tune to Songs of Praise.