Katie Price Rape: Prince Charles And Kinky Sex

KATIE Price Rape: Starring Princess Diana, Prince Charles, Jordan, Tony Parsons, Peter Andre’s kinky boots and a sex shop…

TONY Parsons would like to tell us “Why Jordan is our new Princess Diana.”

Is it because Peter Andre is shagging tampon-featured Camilla on the back seat of a 1978 Jensen Interceptor? Parsons has more questions of his own ask:

How did Jordan become the most despised woman in the country? Any other woman who revealed that she had been raped would be treated with a degree of human compassion.

Diana was raped? Parsons goes on:

She may go off the Ibiza rails every once in a while but she is no worse than the average binge-drinking young Brit.

Which binge-drinking Boris is unsaid. But before Jack Tweed was arrested for an alleged rape, Tony Parsons wrote:

I don’t know Jack Tweed yet I feel that I recognise him. The borderlands of Essex and London are full of young men like Jack Tweed… They are everywhere. I grew up with dozens of them. Probably you did, too. Wild boys who get into a few scrapes when they are young but who grow out of it. It is time that gets them past those childish, binge-drinking, fist-fighting days.

So much for the average British binge-drinker. Parsons has more:

And there is this other side to her. Just as Batman has his Bruce Wayne alter ego, and Superman has Clark Kent, so hard-living Jordan has Katie Price. A single mother who, for both her faults – hard booze and soft men – looks like a totally devoted mum from where I am standing. One of the three children she is bringing up alone is profoundly disabled.

The child’s disability makes us admire the super mother? If the child were not disabled, Katie Price’s motherly devotion would be lessened? And then without irony:

And she would clearly fight for little Harvey with her dying breath. Why aren’t we cheering her on?

Cheering her on to her dying breath?

Another Mirror columnist, Fiona Phillips, tells us:

I wouldn’t want her life, even if my life depended on it.

Or Harvey’s?

In other Daily Mirror news:

Katie Price was “hugely relieved” last night after police confirmed they will not be investigating her rape claim. The model confessed she “wanted to draw a line under the whole sorry episode” and has vowed to keep a low profile in the coming weeks.

Although Katie Price’s profile could still fill a double-page spread. One day on and here’s Katie;s new low profile via the Star’s front apge:

“Forget my rape…I’m going to tell all about Peter’s kinky bedroom secrets.”

As we suspect, Peter and Katie split because they ran out of sexual positions. A “source” explains:

“Kate has never been shy about talking about their sex life but this time she’s prepared to go all the way. Pete will be quaking in his boots. She knows his biggest sex secrets. She is hinting she has some dynamite revelations up her sleeve and is more than happy to embarrass Pete.”

Katie wears sleeves? Peter wears boots?