Victoria Beckham’s At It Five-Times A Day

VICTORIA Beckham works out five times a day. No, not works out sums, or the electricity bill. Vicky works out her body, whch looks in need of a bank holiday or weekend break in the fridge. The Daily Star screams“Skinny Posh health fears”.

But fear ye not. Closer magazine has facts:

“Vic now works out before and after eating, and it’s even increased her appetite.”

Sticky Vicky’s regime goes:

20 minutes treadmill
Breakfast of egg whites and vegetables
20 minutes Pilates (tip: pronounced not as in pirates but as if ordering 3.14 coffee lattes)
Lunch
Weights (see lunch)
Dinner
Cardio
Power Plate

See, you can have a power plate before bed and not put on weight.

Posh is carrying her body to London Fashion Week, where she’s been spotted wearing a dress and pulling a face that suggest she’s in constant pain but doesn’t want to talk about it, although if were to ask her where it hurts, she’d tell you that there are bigger things to worry about than silly old her and walks away, painfully.

The Evening Standard looks on and delivers the headline of the day:

Naomi Campbell mingles with Victoria Beckham at London Fashion week

Has Vicky so many dresses that you don’t so much meet her as you mingle with her parts? Old Mr Anorak read the headline as “ming-les” and thought the story “very promising“.

As it is we get to see that Vicky has been out wearing a dress.

If you stare at Posh long enough you can see her head sliding down an arm, flicking up on an elbow and then landing back on her head. How it stays on her frame is a miracle of intelligent design, and, possibly, velcro.

These pictures below are from a Vogue dinner at La Le Caprice in south west London, a venue where the forks are reassuringly heavy and mnodels sit on high stools with short spoons…