Left-Handed Underpants Add Seconds To Obama’s Life
HARRY Wallop, the Telegraph’s consumer affairs editor brings news of the left-handed underpants.
Thanks to knicker maker Hom, southpaws have finally achieved equal opportunities where it matters most.
In the press release Hom says the gunties will “save left handed men up to three, often vital, seconds when visiting the loo“.
Over the course of a lifetime this could add up to a full quarter of an hour to your telly watching, preventing you missing that decisive goal or the weather for your region.
The pants will be stocked in Debenhams, a store you may be surprised to learn still exists. Rob Faucherand, head of Debenham’s pants says:
“In our view this is a vital step toward equality for left handed men. We see no reason why an accident of birth should dictate the type of underpants you can wear for the rest of your life.”
The left-handed element is not how you take them off, but how you adapt them to urinate. What has never been a problem until now, is not highlighted as such and duly cured.
Wallop of anray Wharf, lists few left-hande dmen for whom the new pants will be boon: George Bush, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Uri Geller and Paul McCartney.
Lists are always godo for sticking popels alongside other another who may other wise live their entirel lives unaware of a common bond. Uri Geller may be expected to circumvent the righ-haned pant by mind control, working his spoony magic on himself. Paul Macca is so wobbly headed that no urinal is wide enough. Rumours abound that his suits of are made of sponge.
As for US Presidents, the last three were all left-handers, which may explain why George Bush had problems opening doors, Bill Clinton was forever dropping things under his desk and Barack Obama finds it difficult to pat his heart when the strains of the US anthem pop up.
Says Mr Faucherand said:
“Switching the opening from vertical to horizontal may sound like a small step, but it’s the major breakthrough that many have been waiting for.”
So not left-handed, then, more even-handed or non-hand specific.
The next big thing in pants could be not wearing any at all. But for now that remains a pipedream…
Note: Does Harry Wallop live in Nether Wallop. We should be told…
Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer Comments (5) | TrackBack | Permalink
