Jack Tweed’s Suicide Watch With Jade Goody

JACK Tweed says he wants to kill himself. In “JACK: I WANT TO KILL MYSELF”, the News of The World places Mr Jade Goody on suicide watch – “nor death shall us part”.

Beneath a picture of Tweed, readers are told:

QUIET NIGHT IN: Prison beans and orange squash is far from Jack Tweed’s usual Champagne style

One would venture that Tweed is sipping on “prison orange squash”. But we should not interrupt the facts as Jack’s mum, Mary Tweed, tells her story to the tabloids, and so – finally! – welcomes a bona fide outlet of Jade Goody Industries.

THE distraught mum of rape charge widower Jack Tweed told yesterday of her torment at seeing her “baby” in prison and hearing him threaten to take his own life.

Because Jack Tweed is…

Jack, widower of tragic cancer victim Jade Goody was accused by a girl [of rape] after returning to his bachelor flat from a night out.

Jade Goody – still selling newspapers and making news even after her death.

Looking strained and tearful Mary told us: “The first time I saw Jack in Pentonville was the worst. I went with his brother Lewis and sister Laura and we were allowed a two-hour visit in private – but it was horrible. Really, really horrendous. Jack was a shambles. He hadn’t washed in days, he looked grubby and grimy and there was dirt round his neck.

“But it was his mental state that was even more shocking to me. As soon as he saw me he broke down in tears and told me straight out that he wanted to kill himself. He asked me to take flowers to Jade’s grave and just kept repeating that he didn’t want to carry on living.”

It’s every mother’s worst nightmare…

“The absolutely worst thing a mother can hear is her son say he wants to end his life. There was a lot of crying and a lot of silences during that two hours. We just didn’t know what to say. What can you say? We were all devastated. We all broke down together. We were all in floods of tears.”

How the tabloids love tears. Readers demand them. One day the tabs will come printed on tissue paper. No, not sued tissue paper, although:

“When I did try to speak to him, he was virtually monosyllabic.”

Jack. Tweed. Jade. Good. Good. Good. E. I. Do.

“When Jack was a little boy, I never even allowed him to play out on the street. I wouldn’t even let the wind blow on him.”

Then he moved in with Jade Goody. She ate a kebab and so much training went out of the window, which should have been wide open…

Jack’s lawyer Phil Smith, from Tuckers Solicitors, insists his client vehemently denies the rape allegation. And Mary has absolutely no doubt that her son is innocent.

Sad stuff. But enough about Jack. What about Jade?

“Jack is definitely grieving,” she insisted. “The thing is, like any boy his age, he liked a drink and went to clubs. But he wasn’t drinking every day. I believe a lot of it has been exaggerated. But I did speak to him about it.”

Tony Parsons is listening. Mary then tells us about her role:

“When I put the phone down I just started running round my bedroom like an idiot. I just didn’t know what to do. I was completely in pieces. My husband was at work so I rang a couple of friends but they could barely understand what I was saying. Bizarrely, my reaction was to go into complete overdrive. I started worrying about stupid things like putting up wardrobes.

“I went on in that vein for the next couple of days until on the Monday morning I woke up and had just lost the plot completely…

“I couldn’t control myself. I was rubbing my legs and stuff. I felt like I was a nutcase. And I just couldn’t stop crying.

“My children started panicking so I phoned a friend who took me straight to the doctors and they gave me Valium. I’ve never had anything like that in my life.”

And so we are introduced to Mary Tweed, the goody Mother-in-Law.

Now Mary finds herself in a recurring real-life nightmare. The time of this interview is not given, but one imagines Mary has been up for a while:

“The mornings are particularly bad. I wake up and the realisation of it all immediately hits me. It starts from my stomach and comes up and up and up. I start having panic attacks. I can’t speak, my mouth is dry, my legs go and I just don’t know what to do with myself. Then I take some Valium and it calms everything down again. But I’m trying to come off that and not rely on it.”

And then the NoTW pops over for a chat…

Jack Tweed has been on Tabloid Suicide Watch before, joining a list of non-suicides:

Kanye West On Suicide Watch As Obama Diss Pushes Him Closer To Edge; Knut ; Bankers ; Soldiers; Shannon Matthews’ kidnapper ; JK Rowling ; Heather Locklear ; Pete Wentz ; Jordan twice! ; Britney Spears thrice!!… ;
Big Brother star ; Jo O’Meara ; Jade Goody ; Paris Hilton ; Amy Winehouse ; and Paul Gascoigne.