Dancing On Ice: Heather Mills’ And Other Stars Of Casualty

DANCING On Ice is to the reality TV schedules what American Football is to British sports fans: you know it exists but it’s best ignored.

On this year’s show:

Danniella Westbrook (I’m a Celebrity; Get Me Out of Here!) landing face first in a rink of powdered white crystals

Gordon Ramsay’s wife Tana going for the sympathy vote and inviting offensive personal comments in sequins

Bobby Davro: (Come Dine With Me; Hole in The Wall)

Hilary Jones: The GMTV doctor talking to viewers already propped up on prescription drugs, Hilary Jones

Someone called Hayley Tamaddon (Soapstar Superstar; Sopastar Superchef)

Sharron Davies (Gladiators; Superstars)

Gary Lucy (All Star Mr & Mrs; All Star Family Fortunes; All Star Desperation)

An actor called Kieron Richardson (if you have to ask he musty be on Hollyoaks)

Simon Cowell’s jobbing ex-lover Sinitta

Heather Mills (Dancing With The Stars; Divorcing Paul McCartney).

All eyes on Mills, of course, who is said to be earning an extra £10,000 “danger cash” to have her false leg adapted for the ice.

Suddenly the show is worth watching. Dancing On Ice is part of the celebrity cull. The thought of a Mills’ blade coming detached from her superstructure and reducing the UK’s Celebrity Mountain is at once terrifying and alluring.

Someone somewhere might be watching this show for the skating. Everyone else is watching to see who enters casualty first…

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ALTERNATE CROP Heather Mills peeks out from behind a cardboard strawberry advertising Fruity Fundays, encouraging people to reduce the amount of meat they eat as part of a new campaign by animal group Viva! outside the premises of Ciromedia, Portland Square, Bristol.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink