Tiger Woods’ Empathy Letter To Elin Nordegren
TIGER Woods can’t have sex for 18 weeks. The number seems apt given the 18 holes on a golf course. The Sun delivers the fact and confirms that it has been minutes, possible tens of minutes, since Tiger Woods last had sex.
A former patient at the sex rehab clinic where Woods is undergoing realignment therapy – pictures of women in golf slacks are flashed upon his retinas 24 hours a day while his ears are filled with the sounds of a overweight American middle-manager screaming “In The Hole”.
A source tells us:
“You can’t have sex and you can’t get excited.”
So golf it is?
Woods, we learn, has to sign a “celibacy contract” and write an “empathy letter” to his wife Elin Nordegren.
Anorak has taken the liberty of having first draft:
“Dear Elin. It’s what you next that counts. Just do it. It’s not a setback. It’s a test. Opportunity isn’t always obvious. We know what it takes to be a Tiger. What are you made of?”
Yours, Tiger.
PS – Fancy a shag?
Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Sports Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink
