Tiger Woods: A Flexible Branch Named Michelle Titleist And Screwing Napkins
A MERE 85 days after his car crashed into a fire hydrant, Tiger Woods sits everyone one down to tell them a story. Tiger’s been in rehab, steering his mind of sex by having images of lady pro golfers women in plus fours beamed onto his retinas.
He has also become a dab hand at laying a table for dinner, sewing cushion covers and rewiring a house.
Once he thought about flicking a rolled up ball of napkin into a cup. But the wardens saw him and he was stared at long and hard at. It was “sobering”. And then there was that time he picked up a fallen branch in the Gardens Of Regret and swung it casualy over his shoulder. He did it again. And again. And again. He felt stirred. He called the branch Michelle Titleist 909D Comp XCON5.
Once it found its way into his bed and he was once more shamed. Now our dreams become reality. Tiger is ready to speak.
“I want to say to each of you simply and directly: I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible, selfish behaviour I engaged in. I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish.”
So tell us:
“People want to know how I could have done these things to my wife Elin and to my children. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say.”
So tell us:
“Elin and I have started the progress of discussing the damage caused by my behaviour. As Elin pointed out to me, my real apology to her will come in the form of words. It will come from my behaviour. We have a lot to discuss; however, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us.”
You won’t tell us?
Posted: 19th, February 2010 | In: Sports Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
