Pavlos Joseph Is Fan In The Singing England Changing Room: Pictures

WAYNE Rooney apologises for being a petulant, bratty footballer out of touch with the fans at the World Cup, and the Sunday Mirror introduces a man who might yet play for England: Pavlos Joseph.

Pavlos Joseph is the “dressing room invader”. Draped in the flag of St George, Pavlos is the man who “invaded” the England dressing room in what we believed was a desperate bid to play for the team. Blessed with the build of a young Paul Gascoigne, the hands of Robert Green and the composure of Aaron Lennon, Pavlos Joseph can yet save the day.

The story is then summed up in one neat paragraph:

“The crazy thing is I only went looking for the toilet,” says Manchester United fan Pavlos, 32, from South-East London…

His mum and dad own a chip shop in Crystal Palace. He supports Man United. You might smirk. Pavlos tells the story:

“I found a security guard, who sent me off back along a walkway underneath the stand out on to the pitch in the direction of the players’ tunnel and explained that there were toilets near there…

“I walked across the grass and up through the tunnel. Eventually, I took a right, down a corridor and before I knew it I found myself in the dressing room. There was no door. The next thing I knew, there was David Beckham standing in front of me.”

Well, if he can make it into the changing room, why not you, Pavlos?

Or as the Telegraph put it:

South African police are searching for the angry England fan who stormed into the team’s dressing room…

The Sun told us:

AN ANGRY England fan entered the Three Lions team dressing room last night and began hurling insults at the stars after the 0-0 draw with Algeria.

The Sydney Morning Herald accuses Pavlos of a “break in“.

What actually happened was..:

“…I saw Joe Cole walk naked out of the shower a few feet away from me. He glanced at me and then did a massive double take.

“Then David looked at me. His face seemed to drop. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The room was dead silent. The ¬players were ¬sitting on benches with towels round their waists just looking at me. They looked like they were in shock. ¬No-one was moving. It was surreal.”

Then they all started singing and laughing: “Who are all the pies? Who ate all the pies?” Pavlos was taken to the bosom of the team as a mascot, a link to the fans the players represent?

“Suddenly David spoke. He took a step towards me and said, ‘Who, who are you?’”

More chanting: “Who are ya? Who are ya? Who are ya?” So came the chant from the England benches and showers? The team united in a sing-song..?

“At first I didn’t know what to say. I glanced around at everyone again and then looked back at him. I said, ‘I’m ¬Pavlos and I actually need the toilet.’”

They sang again: “We can see you sneaking out. We can see you sneaking out…”

“I looked David straight in the eye and said, ‘David, we’ve spent a lot of money getting here. This is a disgrace. What are you going to do about it?’”

Day-vid said, “Call that a lot of money? It’s nuffink. NUFF-FINK.” All the lads took out £5,000 notes and started throwing them in the air and wiping their arses on them?

Well, no. Pavlos was escorted from the room by a guard and the door behind him closed. England remains distant and aloof. And all was as it was…