BP Urged To Pump More Bullshit Into News Gulf: Greenpeace Moves Bowels

THE sign outside the BP service station on Hampstead Road, London, says: “Closed. Moving beyond petroleum.”

Moving beyond petroleum… OK. But as a slogan it goes only halfway. What are we moving on towards? And how are we moving there? Are we moving on tofu? Clockwork? Bollocks? Can bollocks make energy? What about lies and information? If lies were info, BP shares would be surely soaring with every photoshop gush.

BP today announced losses of £11bn for the second quarter of this year and confirmed chief executive and jobbing Michael Sheen look-alike Tony Hayward will be replaced by Bob Dudley.

Or will he? If bullshit is power, BP needs to up its output.

Says Mr Hayward, displaying once more his gift for language:

“Sometimes you step off the pavement and get hit by a bus.”

Or, to put it another way, sometimes you go swimming and get hit by dead whale.

Hayward says he has been “demonised and vilified“. Well, yes. That’s the lot of being the head of a big company when the public has been hurt.

Back at the pumps, Greenpeace executive director John Sauven tells Sky News:

“This isn’t targeted at motorists, this is targeted at the company to get the company to rethink their strategy.”

Yep, the oil company that makes massive money from useful oil should rethink making massive money from useful oil because Greenpeace says it should “move beyond”.

We should all move beyond. We should move beyond and embrace the power of talking shit.

Don’t be hasty in letting Mr Hayward go. With all employees to the bullshit pumps, BP may yet rise again…

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Greenpeace activists and police outside the BP petrol station on London's Hampstead road, one of several that the charity has closed down today across the capital.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2010 | In: Money Comments (4) | TrackBack | Permalink