ARDI Rizal is the two-year-old chain smoker. Rizal has a name that is made for smoking. Rizal is the Rizla. Vera Lynn Rizal would be better name but if Ardi is not important by his puberty, there is hope. The Indonesian puppy fat farm smokes 40 cigarettes, having started smoking the evil weed when he was 14-months-old. Says his mum: “He’s totally addicted. If he doesn’t get cigarettes, he gets angry and screams and batters his head against the wall. He tells me he feels dizzy and sick.” Says dad: “He looks pretty healthy to me. I don’t see the problem.” Nor does he hear one – until Ardi has his Speak ‘n’ Spell stuck into his voice box. Smoking at 2 is young – Old Mr Anorak didn’t get to enjoy the weed until his early teens. He’s calling him mum now, the Grand Dowager Anorak, to complain about being deprived. One thing, Ardi’s dad might want him to be careful with matches. Best to buy the ciggies ready lit. Safety first…