Kim Kardashian Defies Prince’s Command To Dance: Dads Empathise

KIM Karsdashian has lived the nightmare. Sat watching Prince perform in New York, she is called up on stage. The pop royal commands her to dance. One boom from her mighty hips and Prince is in the cheap seats. But she does not dance. She is immobile. Sure, her inner backside is vibrating to the throbbing bass, but the rest of her is less mobile and rhythmic that Joan Rivers’ forehead.

And we feel for her. Kim Kardashian can’t dance. If she could, she would. But she can’t. So she doesn’t.

She smiles and pat Prince on the back. “Oh, please,” thinks Kim, “make this look like an in joke. Please make it look as though I can dance but my old showbiz mate Prince knows that what with the Spandex and the dance-related injury [she’d rather not talk about it], he knows I can’t move all that well.”

She need not worry. We, the non-dancers, feel her pain. We’ve all been there when the DJ at the Holiday inn Basildon shouts at us to dance when we’ve been happily sitting drinking Malibu and pineapple with someone’s mum.

What she should have done is to have pretended that she loves to boogie and hoisted countless others on stage to join in the mad fun. She could then have got lost in their midst. Like the dad at the wedding dance looking for salvation in the belly of the crowd, Kim could have been invisible dancing.

Here’s Kim, adding one more thing she can’t do to her cornucopia of talent: