Clean and Dry Intimate Wash makes your vagina a fairer, brighter place

THANKS to Clean & Dry Intimate Wash, you can “brighten” the skin around your vagina. For just Rs 90 (about £1) you can put spring in your step and your otter’s pocket. As the product informs the owners of darker, flatter less vivacious vaginas, there is hope:

“Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner and more importantly fairer and more intimate.

“Women can use this unique wash during their bath to cleanse their parts. The special PH balance formula maintains the skin’s sensitive PH balance keeping it fresh and protected from infection all day. For the first time women can now also brighten the darkened skin in thar [sic] area making it many shades fairer.”

Faint prise never won fair lady garden. The brighter the vagina – the brighter your day! (Failing that a small Jimmy Savile merkin will do.)