Former glamour model says she had sex with Simon Cowell 11 times in one night, which she didn’t?

THERE is a huge “unofficial” media story that makes Simon Cowell look like a veritable stud at the minute, which of course, sends alarm bells ringing with anyone who has thought about the way media companies present the news for more than 5 seconds.

Ostensibly, this all reeks of The Lady Doth Protest Too Much, especially on the back of the story that former glamour model Alicia Douvall is claiming that she slept with Simon Cowell 11 times in one night. ELEVEN TIMES? That’s enough to set your average wang on fire. His ballhair, in this instance, would surely only act as stinky kindling?

Either way, this former pin-up who is known for her fondness for plastic surgery (seriously, she looks like a glamorous member of The Riddlers) is saying with a very dead-pan face (not by choice, perhaps) that she had a six-month fling with the music mogal of the high waistband and a terrifyingly still face.

She said:

“On the third or fourth date we ended up doing it 11 times in one night. We went out for dinner and then back to his hotel. We ordered champagne on room service. We started having sex and went on through the night. We slept a little bit in between but only for a few minutes…

“We had sex in the sitting room, the bedroom and the bathroom and kept going on and on. That was the most amount of times we had sex in one night, it was normally just once or twice. I was there so long that it was 8am when I finally left.”

By the end, Cowell must’ve been firing out small puffs of smoke that smelled vaguely of sex, icing his surely shriveled testes that resembled houseflies with withered torsos. Waddaguy!

Of course, Alicia wasn’t finished talking about Cowell. Apparently, and this is really unusual for a man, he was a big fan of her “boobs and lingerie”. Better yet is the claim that he liked to give her feedback on her bedroom performance as if she was auditioning for one of his shows.

She told The Sun newspaper:

“Every time we had sex he would analyse my performance just like a judge on the TV and say how there could be an improvement next time. He was a very passionate lover and most importantly very considerate. He was obsessed with my boobs.[Oh! Uou must tell me where you got them, and give me the number of your tailor.] He was definitely the best lover I have ever had.”

Even better than Chelsea family man John Terry, allegedly?

Well done, Alicia. Many are now wondering if Simon Cowell is a homosexual. Louis Walsh must be thrilled the heat is off him, briefly…

then announced that he was gay? Could the Sun not think of less homosexual example?

Louise Payne in photos – a Cowell ex

Cowell’s alleged lovers in photos

Dannii Minogue photos

Alicia Douvall photos