ZACHARY P. Ramirez was spotted driving at 111 mph through Springbrook Prairie Forest Preserve, Illinois. The speed limit is 45 mph. Police pulled over the 1994 Honda Prelude. Ramirez said he was ging so fast because he was “trying to go have sex with a girl he liked”.

Police do not chortle and let Ramirez go. They nick him. He is charged with driving 40 mph or more over the statutory limit, reckless driving, disobeying a traffic control signal and disobeying a stop sign.

What defence can he employ? Well, Alex Ferguson got off by arguing that he needed another kind of fluid release. The Manchester United manager famously escaped a driving penalty by saying he was braking the law and driving on the motorway’s hard shoulder because he needed the toilet.

And then there is Stoke City manger Tony Pulis, who escaped a ban after his lawyer argued it would have caused the manager and the people of Stoke-on-Trent exceptional hardship.

Ramirez may care to get his lover to testify and say that without access to a car she may suffer extreme hardship and be deprived of the children who may not be able to see their dad. But, then, Ramirez is not a Premier League manager or rich so he’ll most probably get a heavy fined and jail term…

Spotter