WANSTEAD’S Upbeat Community Choir have won top prize in the British Cheese Board’s hunt for a national anthem for Cheddar. The contest was to find who could create the best alternative words to God Save the Queen, Land of Hope and Glory or Jerusalem. Whenever a packet of cheese if opened, consumers will hear the strains of Jersualem and be expected to stand to attention and sing along.

The aim, of course, is to promote the cheese and boost sales. But there is an easier ways. Just sponsor a scientific reprot that proves cheese does not cause cancer. Then compare the results to the myriad other things that do. Sales will soar.

YouTube link.

The choir ‘s prize is a year’s free supply of the cheese.

Says the choir’s conductor Tim Sutton: “I’m so proud of the choir who really rallied around what was quite a bizarre project. We’ve raffled off the cheese prize already and it will split between 12 of the choir members.”

All together now:

And did those feet in ancient time.
Walk upon England’s mountains green
And was the holy Lamb of God, on England’s pleasant pastures seen.
And did the Countenance Divine, shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here, among these dark Satanic Mills?
Bring me my spliff of burning gold
Bring me my iPad of desire
Bring me my sofa from Leather World
Cover my doormat with your flier
I will not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,
Till we have built a Westfield
In England’s green and pleasant land.