Britain’s Got Talent 2013 Episode 1: Gay Simon, Dec’s bed hair, Alice Fredenham and Jack Carroll
IT’S BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT 2013, and in spite of the cynicism and manipulation we will be watching. And in show one we will be looking out for:
Is Simon Cowell gay?
BGT judge Amanda Holden tells the Sun:
“I don’t think he’s gay and I’ve got a really good radar. I’ve known people were gay before they knew they were gay… Simon’s a spirogyra. He’s a single-celled sex atom. He might have a little dabble. I think he needs the company of women. He needs to have sex but he doesn’t need to get married, he doesn’t need company in that way. He just needs to have a dip in and out as it were. Dip in and out, keep the cab running and go home.
All those woman and not one kiss ‘n’ tell. Who need Leveson and super-injunctions when you’re Simon Cowell?
Photo: Mezhgan Hussainy arrives at a Britain’s Got Talent Q&A at the ICA in London.
Ant or Dec?
The Daily Star reports:
“Nearly three quarters of women think Declan Donnelly, 37, would perform better between the sheets than Anthony McPartlin. But most think Ant, 37, would be a best pal, with 81% preferring to share a cup of tea and a chat with him, according to a survey of 4,000 by sweetener firm Sweet’N Low.”
In another poll for Vimto, 67% of women and 42% of men said they rather be tied to a radiator and made to drink Terry Waite’s urine that sleep with either of them.
She was rejected by The Voice. But Simon tells her, “Wow. Your voice is like liquid gold.”
A BBC1 source tells the Sun: “The Voice prides itself on its high standards, and yet again BGT is taking the show’s rejects.”
Charming.
James Heany,
He’s the 26-year-old bus driver from Cheltenham. He wrote a sog about judge David Walliams.
Jack Carroll
The 14 year old stand-up comedian was born with Cerebral Palsy. He says:
“I’m never going to be Usain Bolt. But maybe I can focus on my strengths, which is to bring joy to the world.”
Says Jack:
“I’m a professional gymnast.”
Alesha Dixon noted:
“Jack you made me laugh before the act even started.”
And because it’s all about Simon Cowell, he said:
“You’ve just got an incredible personality and I’m really happy that I met you!”
Taichi Imanishi
The 25 year old administrator from Middlesex sang about constipation.
Simon Cowell:
“Do you know what Tai, I genuinely don’t think anyone could do a worse act than what I’ve just seen”.
Incognito
Gospel music.
Declan Donnelly observed:
“That was like hairs on the back of your neck business.”
(Declan’s hair is not up for discussion.)
Alesha Dixon did not exaggerate:
“That was incredible, my heart is still pounding.”
David Walliams feels God:
“It was so good it made me want to go to church. So powerful, so moving.”
The faces. Who has had the most ‘work’?
Puffy.
Dipped
Action figure
Posted: 13th, April 2013 | In: TV & Radio Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
