TOMAS has large genitals and decent teeth. Tomas is 13. And those two physical attributes are enough for Russian courts to judge him old enough to be held legally accountable for his actions.

Tomas is a Hungarian national born in Ukraine. On a spring trip to Moscow he allegedly stole a mobile phone. Tomas says he didn’t. He also says he’s 13, and thus below the 16- year limit on criminal responsibility in Russia.

But he’s got those big gonads and teeth. The prison doctors’ examined then and say he’s actually 16 to 17 years old. And as an adult, the courts can jail him.Tomas’ family says that’s not so. He’s 12 . They’ve presented Ukrainian documentation to support the position.

The case is now being looked at again.

As are Tomas’ nuts.