The great witch hunt: 10 photos of Ted Heath looking like a paedophile

Ted Heath is the lastest dead notable to be dug up, beaten with sticks and labelled a paedophile. To help media better explain to today’s evidence-shy audience what a wong ‘un the former Prime Minister was, we’ve compiled a gallery of pictures. To go with the many nudge-nudge, w*nk-w*nk accounts of “unmarried sailor” Heath’s crimes that he refuses to contest or challenge (he’s dead – ed), here are photos that less hammer the final nail into his coffin as they do unpick them one by one so we can get at him and teach him a lesson he should never forget:

Ted ‘knew sailors’

1971: British statesman and prime minister Edward Heath aboard his yacht Morning Cloud at Gosport, Hampshire, before the Admiral’s Cup race. (Photo by James Jackson/Express/Getty Images)

Ted loved ‘scouting’

British Conservative politician, Edward Heath (1916 – 2005) signs autographs after the ceremony for the renaming of Lympne Airport to Ashford Airport, Ashford, Kent, England, 10th June 1969. (Photo by Stanley Sherman/Daily Express/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Ted never once goosed the dancers

British Prime Minister Edward Heath (1916 – 2005, centre) meets English actor and comedian Frankie Howerd (1917 – 1992) at a Variety Club of Great Britain Christmas luncheon at the Dorchester Hotel, London, 7th December 1970. (Photo by Keystone/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Ted was an avid amateur proctologist

British Conservative Party politician and amateur musician Edward Heath (1916 – 2005) conducting, circa 1965. (Photo by Erich Auerbach/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Ted loved to ‘watch the badgers’ in London parks

Conservative Party leader Edward Heath (1916 – 2005, left) and Shadow Chancellor Reginald Maudling (1917 – 1979) take a stroll in St James’s Park, 28th March 1966. (Photo by Keystone/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Ted perfected the ‘double-Nazi’ salute

British statesman Edward Heath (1916 – 2005) celebrates the Conservative Party win in the General Election, and his own new position as Prime Minister, 19th June 1970. (Photo by David Cairns/Express/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Ted preferred ‘riding in the backseat’ (see 1970s school of comedy)

British Prime Minister Edward Heath (1916 – 2005) arrives at the Houses of Parliament after the summer recess, accompanied by his Parliamentary Private Secretary Timothy Kitson, 22nd September 1971. (Photo by Mike Lawn/Fox Photos/Getty Images)

Ted loved fruits

British Prime Minister Edward Heath (1916 – 2005) talks to shop assistant Sheila Kane in a greengrocer’s shop on Mill Hill Broadway, London, during an electioneering tour, 19th February 1974. Kane expressed concerns about high prices and extreme cold in the shop due to the three-day working week. (Photo by Dennis Oulds/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Ted was available as a ‘love doll’

Artist Alan Aldridge with a model of Conservative leader Edward Heath used in posters for the Labour Party’s 1970 election campaign under the slogan ‘Yesterday’s Men V Tomorrow’s Winning Team’, 12th May 1970. (Photo by Keystone/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Will Kermit now talk?

9th January 1979: Edward Heath, British Conservative politician and prime minister (1970 – 1974) playing the piano to the amusement of Kermit the Frog and Paddington Bear. (Photo by Evening Standard/Getty Images)

Ted loved a flowery sporran

13th November 1967: From left to right, the Lord Chancellor, Lord Gardiner; Liberal Party leader Jeremy Thorpe; Conservative Party leader Edward Heath; and British prime minister Harold Wilson, at the Remembrance Day service at the Cenotaph, Whitehall, London. (Photo by Central Press/Getty Images)

Was Ted a jihadi?

28th February 1970: The Leader of the Conservative Party, Mr Edward Heath, speaking at the Conservative Local Government Conference in Westminster. (Photo by Central Press/Getty Images)

Ted inspired the Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

22nd November 1976: Edward Richard George Heath, the Conservative politician and Prime Minister from 1970 to 1974. He is rehearsing as conductor with the London Symphony Orchestra at the Grosvenor House Hotel in London. (Photo by Central Press/Getty Images)

“Deep Throat, you say?”

October 1970: British prime minister Edward Heath chatting with US president Richard Nixon (1913 – 1994) at Chequers in Buckinghamshire, the official country residence of the British PM. (Photo by Fox Photos/Getty Images)

Ted and ‘the girls’

July 1971: British Prime Minister Edward Heath, skipper of the British team for the Admiral Cup Series with his team aboard the yacht ‘Morning Cloud’ at Southsea, Hampshire. (Photo by James Jackson/Express/Getty Images)

Was Ted a Nazi?

British Prime Minister Edward Heath (left) and General Secretary of the UN Kurt Waldheim, chatting at a luncheon, 10 Downing Street, London, April 10th 1972. (Photo by Central Press/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Was Ted a golfer?

British Prime Minister Edward Heath (left) sharing a joke with his Japanese counterpart Kakuei Tanaka and Secretary of Northern Ireland William Whitelaw, during a round of golf at Royal St George’s golf course, England, September 30th 1973. (Photo by Ian Tyas/Keystone/Getty Images)

Ted was hiding in plain sight

The new British Prime Minister Edward Heath (1916 – 2005) is splattered with red paint as he returns to Downing Street after lunch at the St James’ Club, 20th June 1970. The paint was thrown by a woman, who was quickly arrested. (Photo by Keystone/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Why did Ted have no secret love child?

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