‘Simon’s Pen’: worker received these 10 fantastic formal complaints in 6 months

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David Thorne wasn’t getting along with Simon, his co-worker. A row escalated after David took Simon’s Pen which had “Simon’s Pen” written on the side.

My very first run in with Simon was when he blamed me for stealing pens from his desk, which I vehemently denied. He then proceeded to point out the tiny engraved words ‘Simon’s Pen’ he had done on all eight of the pens currently on my desk. It was so small he had to point them out to me with the aid of a loupe. Each two-millimetre high letter was meticulous. When I asked how he had managed to get the letters so perfect, he told me that he had a headset at home with a light and magnifying glass on it. When I asked why he had a headset with light and magnifying glass on it he replied, “For painting collector figurines.”

There have actually been twelve formal complaints by Simon against me but two of those were complaining that nothing had been done about the previous formal complaints so I didn’t bother scanning those in.