Belinda Passes Her MOT

‘Laura decided to take Ian back after he promised her that she could have a baby. But being the lying, two-faced little weasel that he is, he’s also booked himself into a vasectomy clinic without telling her.

As the rest of the world rejoices that they’re won’t be any more little Beales in the world, it’s unlikely Laura’s going to see it that way. Laura is getting more and more deranged with every episode. From deep frying Ian’s business proposal to throwing boiling milk at Janine, she’s now taking to manically staring at Ian with her gooseberry eyes out on stalks and whispering ‘you better not let me down Ian, or you’ll be sorry.’ No wonder he’s looking scared.

And speaking of mentalists, Little Mo has been granted an appeal on the strength of Donna’s testimony. Unfortunately, Kat in her usual caring way has managed to scare her so badly that she’s run away. Kat’s people skills are second to none. She also told her own daughter that she was ‘dirt’ and ‘to keep away forever’. With interpersonal skills like that, it’s only a matter of time before she’s snapped up by Labour’s Spin Doctors.

Can someone please explain who’s bright idea it was to cast Lynne Slater in the role as the modern day Helen of Troy? First it was Beppe, declaring that she was ‘the most perfect woman in the world’, then Gary realised that he ‘couldn’t live wifout ‘er’, and now ex-fiance Jason is back on the scene.

‘I made the biggest mistake of my life, lettin’ you go Lynne,’ he told her. We all know she’s got a great wrist action when it comes to shaking that chip basket, but surely there’s got to be more to it than that?

Lynne has decided to run away with Jason and leave Gary. As Gary spends most of his life comatose on the sofa, he probably won’t realise for a couple of months anyway. Another Slater sister who’s proving that Kat isn’t the only one to put the slapper into Slater is Belinda.

Belinda has turned up again, complete with comedy frightwig ostensibly to support the family in their hour of need over Zoe, but really it’s because her Neville asked her to put on a ‘costume’ (the details of which we were thankfully spared).

Belinda chose to demonstrate her wifely virtues by embarking on a fling with Jamie. ‘I think it needs a good servicing,’ she breathed as Jamie was bent over her car, like something out of ‘Confessions of A Driving Instructor’. It wasn’t long before Jamie had her hood up and was rummaging around under her bonnet.

When Phil told him he needed to strip some old bangers, I’m not sure that’s quite what he had in mind.

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Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink