Couture Club

‘THERE are headlines and then there are headlines. And in the latter batch falls the one that appears on the Mirror’s back page: ‘Wise axed by team-mates.’ What initially sounds like a cruel blow is softened by the realisation that the Wise one on the butcher’s block is Dennis Wise, pint-sized pugnacious foe of cab drivers everywhere.

Leeds United unveil new first team kit

But the axe in the headline is not a reference to a literal blade but an allusion to the metaphoric chop, as Wise is shown the door by his employers at Leicester City.

An internal investigation has discovered that Wise was behind an attack on team-mate Callum Davidson that left the victim with a double fracture of a cheekbone. And the rest of the squad at the first division club don’t want to play ball with Dennis any more.

But as one career comes to a sticky end, another heads for the top. Yes, folks, there’s a ‘day’ in the day today and that means it’s time for a story about Rio Ferdinand. In what is sure to be a quotidian update on Rio, the papers now focus on what Rio wore to his first day at his new job.

Fashionistas can expect to see lots of red in the coming months, but for now it’s all white. Clearly hankering after the kit of his last club, Rio steps into the back pages clad in a white suit and black shirt. The Sun lines up Rio alongside a John Travolta in full disco mode, while the Times observes Ferdinand’s ‘distinctive taste in couture’.

But the Star has the scoop, showing Rio’s other half, girlfriend Rebecca Ellison, in an outfit that manages to combine Pride and Prejudice with Footballers’ Wives. It looks like the ‘distinctive taste in couture’ extends to Rio’s lovers too.

And while we thrill to what Rio will do next, it’s almost possible to overlook the arrival of the Commonwealth Games. Manchester might be Rio’s new home, but it’s also the preferred destination for athletes from around the globe (or, at least, that part of it lucky enough to be civilised by the great British Empire).

And chief agonist is triple jumper Jonathan Edwards. News in the Mail is that when the spikes no longer fit, Edwards plans to launch a new career as the BBC’s new religious affairs correspondent. ‘I need to do something real as a real person,’ says the man who wants to be on television.

Of course, he could just stay in Manchester, acting as Rio’s conscience. After what Rio and the Leeds United board have done to the fans of the Yorkshire club, a conscience could be the one thing Rio needs more than a stylist. ‘

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink