Spot The Dummy

‘How can a clam cram in a clean cream can? Big question. A good question. The kind of question that keeps the Big Brother quartet talking loud and long into the night.

Jade keeps her mouth shut for once

But while three out of four get their heads around the problem, one struggles to get her mouth round the words. And her name is Jade. For reasons best described as cruel, Jade was allowed to read the rules for the final task.

One has to spin plates (Kate); one has to perform magic tricks (Jonny); one has to play an accordion (Alex) and one has to be a ventriloquist. And that last job fell on Jade’s broad shoulders.

Having extracted her puppet from the box, Jade called it William, compared its hair to Tim’s (the best line uttered by Jade thus far) and placed her hands somewhere guaranteed to have a watching PJ squirming with confused memories.

The cast then got down to drinking a blend of lager, cider and rose wine. Jonny felt sick; and to facilitate the upchuck, Jade stayed close by. Who needs fingers down the throat when you have Jade? Not Jonny.

Soon Alex went to bed. Jade went to bed. And Jonny fawned and fondled a drunken Kate, asking her to get in the pool in her undies.

Any more of this and Jonny will be the next one to leave, taken away at speed in the back of a van with blacked out windows and a siren on the roof.

The end is coming, and it needs to come quick.

‘

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink