Fat Of The Land

‘JADE herself is clearly aware that drastic steps will have to be taken if she ever wants to model for anything other than Wall’s Smoked Back Bacon.

‘If you want us naked, you pay extra’

The Star reports that the ‘dizzy blonde’ is considering having a facelift and has vowed to have a boob job if she scoops the £70,000 prize – but a reduction, not an enlargement.

Resorting to surgery to remove unwanted flesh is an extreme measure, but it’s the only one that could possibly help Jade – and the men of Britain could soon find themselves in a similar predicament ‘as they pile on weight as never before’.

A report in the Express reveals that as well as having to contend with the traditional beer belly, men ‘will now be able to swap sob stories with wives and girlfriends over rapidly expanding backsides, hips and thighs’.

Their hip measurements have grown by an average of two inches in three decades, and the Sun adds that by 2032, they will measure ‘a whopping average of 42in around the hips’.

Long periods spent sitting down at work, combined with booze, lack of exercise and a high-fat, high-sugar, fast-food diet, are responsible for the encroaching flab.

‘Already one in ten men is so embarrassed by his big backside that he won’t strip in front of his partner,’ says the Sun.

Could that be the reason why they make love in their socks?

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Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink