Fabric Of Society

‘EVERY day, all around the world, people are going about their daily business unaware of the terrible crisis threatening them. One of the most valuable resources on the planet is fast running out, and it could change our lives beyond all recognition.

Seaman consoles himself with the news that while his career is nearing an end, his look is very much in vogue

That’s right, readers – there is a worldwide shortage of polyester. Or, as the Mirror calls it, ”the cheap, sticky man-made nightmare favoured by millions of 1970s clothing victims”.

”Unbelievably, firms are now struggling to meet demand for the synthetic fabric because of a boom in retro styles,” it writes. ”And designers, inspired by the psychedelic era, are using it to create everything from easy-care clothing to cushions.”

The loud suits and frilly shirts worn by Austin Powers are thought to be partly responsible for fuelling the renewed demand for polyester, which is so great that manufacturer Synetix says supplies could dry up by 2008. ”Polyester is a victim of its own success,” says a Synetix spokesman. ”It used to be thought of as starchy and uncomfortable, but today it can be processed so that it feels soft, like a peach skin.”

But the worst part about the skyrocketing demand for polyester is that it has been accompanied by a resurgence of men growing long sideburns, handlebar moustaches and cultivating thatches of chest hair where large medallions can nestle.

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Posted: 16th, August 2002 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink