Cherry Picking

‘ANOTHER thing that hasn’t changed in the two years since Jeffrey Archer was so unfairly convicted is the fact that Big Brother inmate Cameron is still a virgin.

Bigger than Vanessa?

At the age of 32, the Orkneys fish trader has never known love between a man and a woman – but all that may be about to change.

The Star says Jon and Scott have offered to take the Bible-basher to a raunchy strip joint to lose his cherry.

‘This could be the biggest event of the year,’ a pal tells the paper. ‘It’s like deflowering Mother Theresa.’

The very mention of Mother Theresa leads us nicely on to Jodie Marsh, whose cleavage fills the front page of the Star, and Jordan, whose cleavage fills the rest of the paper.

And today’s news in the on-going spat between the two glamour girls is that Jordan has recruited some heavyweight support to her camp in the blancmange-like shape of Vanessa Feltz.

‘Such is the phenomenon she masterminds,’ writes Ms Feltz, ‘that she is far, far bigger than the sum of her grotesquely distended parts.’

Kind words, Nessie – and we’re sure she’d say the same about you…

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Posted: 21st, July 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink