What Simon Says

‘YOU join us in the home of Angie Typical and her four-year-old child.

‘Hmmm. You did your best, which is the main thing’

“Would you like more chips, Leo?” asks dear old mum. “Shut up, you tart. I said I’d sort it when I’m good and ready. Look at the state of yer! Is that your face, or has your neck just vomited?”

It’s the kind of charmless conversation that has encouraged the powers that be to introduce lessons in conversation to primary school children.

The Express says that educationalists have noted the falling standards in children’s verbal skills and are pointing the finger of blame at parents who sit their sprogs in front of the television for hours on end.

Children are picking up too many bad habits. And, as we just witnessed, EastEnders and Pop Idol’s Simon Cowell are among the chief culprits.

The role of the oleaginous Cowell is of particular concern. As the Sun reports, ten MPs have signed an Early Day Motion in which they accuse Cowell of destroying childhood confidence.

Glasgow MP Jim Sheridan, leader of the protest, is clearly upset. “Simon Cowell has seen his earnings increase to £33.5million a year – is that just from crushing kids?”

Even those among us who subscribe to the adage that children should neither be seen nor heard draw the line somewhere short of crushing them.

For his sins, Cowell is far from contrite, accusing the MPs of making “sweeping generalisations”.

In the Mail, he adds: “I thought the Labour was supposed to be the party of free enterprise. I’m sorry if my earnings upset them.”

And they will continue to cause upset until television minds its language or gives us an idol we can all cheer. Come on, Leo Blair, don’t be shy…’

Posted: 4th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink