Guinness Is Good For You

‘WHEN Madonna is down the Rub-a-dub-dub with ‘er other ‘alf, she no doubt likes to put away a few pints of that English drink, Guinness.

Cold remedy

So she will be cheered to read in this morning’s Mail that a pint of the stout a day is – as the brand has always claimed – good for you.

Researchers in the US have discovered that ‘Guinness works twice as well as any lager at producing anti-clotting activity in the blood’.

But non-Guinness drinkers should not despair – the lager drinking Star reports that US researchers have finally found a cure for the common cold. It’s called sex.

The paper says that ‘having nookie twice a week is the perfect way to fight off these winter bugs’.

‘Simply stated, more is better,’ says Professor Carl Charnetski (who has never had a day off sick in his life).

‘We found that individuals engaging in sex once or twice a week have substantially higher levels of antibodies than those reporting no sexual activity.’

More good news for Star-reading men – the quality of the sex and its duration are irrelevant.

However, having said that ‘more is better’, Professor Charnetski then backtracks and claims that IgA levels in people who have sex every day are just as low as those who don’t have sex at all.

And people who have sex on the banks of a frozen lake in Alaska are more likely to get colds than those who are tucked up warm in a single bed.’

Posted: 13th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink