Ben There, Done That

‘LIKE so much wood, the Sun’s front page announces: ‘J-LO & BEN SPLIT’.

‘So, d’you want eggs or beans for your tea?’

This is some news since many believed the couple, who were once set on marriage, stopped being an item when their film, Gigli, bombed at the cinemas.

Perhaps they did, but now it is official. And the Sun is there to pick over the bones of one of the most protracted love affairs in Hollywood history.

In the time it took La Lopez and Affleck to say ‘I don’t’, Elizabeth Taylor could have been married at least half a dozen times – even our dear own Tracy Shaw would have garnered more rings than Saturn.

As it is, the product of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s love has been lots of media attention, a postponed and now cancelled wedding, and countless excuses to show pictures of the singer/actress’s backside in the press.

And now for the definitive word on the matter, the Sun hears from J-Lo’s spokesman.

‘I am confirming the report that Jennifer Lopez has ended her engagement to Ben Affleck. At this difficult time we ask that you respect their privacy.’

Pah! We would do if only they would stop invading ours. As the Sun reports in diary form, since November 2002 the couple have been invading the space usually reserved for stories of Jordan’s new nipples and soap opera exposes with tales of their deep love.

Surely now is the time to hound them lest they ever be tempted to rekindle the flames of passion and take us though the whole shebang one more time.’

Posted: 23rd, January 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink