Beckham And Us

‘BEFORE things get too out of hand, Anorak would just like to state that we have never had a sexual encounter of any kind with David Beckham.

Victoria has vowed to keep a close eye on her husband from now on

In the melee of continued media speculation and salacious suggestions to the contrary, we feel our position is such that the record must be set straight.

And where we lead others follow, with David and his wife Victoria issuing their own statement, which can be read by all in the Sun.

‘This weekend a series of even more absurd and unsubstantiated claims have been published about David and Victoria Beckham,’ it says.

‘The couple continue to dismiss these stories and they will not be commenting upon them further at this time. Lawyers have been instructed by David and Victoria concerning these matters.’

Instructed to do what is not said, and we can only pray that these lawyers are no specialists in divorce.

For one thing, Posh has flopped as a solo act in the past and must be advised against striking out alone again.

However, divorce may be the least of the Beckhams’ concerns if they don’t get off that quad bike soon.

Rik Mayall and Ozzy Osbourne have both been horribly injured falling off such vehicles, and the sight of the Beckhams riding one in the Express chills the spine.

The Sun has a similar shot of the pair sitting astride the motorised cry for help, and looks on aghast as England’s football captain recklessly reaches forward to give his wife a peck on the cheek.

Thankfully, he stops there and doesn’t then whip out his mobile phone and send her a text message proclaiming his undying love and how much he fancies her.

But if he does, rest assured, we will get to hear of it…’

Posted: 13th, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink