The Squeak Box

‘HAVING heard David Beckham speak, we were none to surprised that, when it came to phone sex, Rebecca Loos preferred to communicate with her lover by text message.

Dr Sataloff’s David Beckham impression accounts for yet another mirror

One word from Dave and her ardour would deflate like a pricked helium balloon.

But now help is at hand. In future, if Day-vid wants to have it off with his PA and cheat on the woman he loves so very much, he can do so verbally.

Not only that but he will leave no evidence, even if his conquest brings along a tape recorder.

The Times says that doctors in America are offering the vocally challenged the chance of a ‘voice-lift’ – which in the case of Day-vid Beckham’s would make him audible only to dogs.

But for the elderly, the voice lift offers the chance to remove what Dr Robert Thayer Sataloff, of Philadelphia’s Graduate Hospital, calls ‘the tremor’.

For a few thousand dollars, doctors will insert implants through a hole made in your neck, or feed you fat, collagen or an intriguingly named substance called hydroxyl appetite.

After a mere few weeks, the patient can speak without sounding like they’re being shaken to within an inch of death.

Alternatively, you could just cheat on your wife and invite her to kick you in those Blairite cojones…’

Posted: 20th, April 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink