A Question Of Protocol

‘HOW proud Prince William’s mother would have been of him and the expert way in which he executed the kiss with the Queen!

‘It’s okay, Elton. She’s sitting right next to you!’

Diana was something of an expert at kissing herself by the time she was cruelly taken from us, as Andrew Morton explains in his new book Diana: How I Can Make Yet More Money Out Of Her.

In the second part of its world exclusive serialisation of what we’ve all heard before, Hello! reveals that Diana was unhappy and had an affair with an army officer called James Hewitt.

But there are ‘sensational’ new revelations – such as this tickly issue of protocol.

It seems, Morton says, that for a time the Queen took to singing hymns unaccompanied after dinner was over.

Diana wanted to know in those circumstances whether to sing along, start clapping or remain silent – and, like a Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? contestant, phoned friend for help.

The friend in question was Dr James Colthurst, the go-between who ferried Morton’s questions to the Princess and her answers back to Morton, who we regret to say was at a loss to provide an answer.

Had she instead phoned us here at Anorak Towers, we would have been more forthcoming.

Royal protocol demands that in such circumstances observers should switch on the Queen’s Billy Bass fish and sway along to the music in a piscine fashion.

On no account should they attempt to sing along.

History alas does not relate what Diana plumped for, but we rather fear that it was her voluble accompaniment that was the final nail in her relationship with her mother-in-law.’

Posted: 23rd, June 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink