The Witches Of Weatherfield

‘HEALTH and safety matters were highlighted on the Street this week. Both Jack and Dev are in the middle health scares and Steve McDonald has started fearing for his safety now that mum Liz is back, determined to reunite him with baby Amy.

‘Love lift us up where we belong…’

Liz has decided that Jack needs to get into shape, (“I am in shape – round is a shape…”) so has bought Fred Elliott’s exercise bike for him – along with some truly terrifying orange lycra cycling shorts.

Liz and Tyrone have made him a special map so that he can pretend he’s cycling to Skegness but at the rate he’s going he’ll be lucky to get to the Kabin by Christmas.

Dev’s health scare is far more serious than needing to shift a bit of extra weight: his doctor called him to say that there’s a strong possibility he’s got bowel cancer. A shattered Dev confided in Sunita, who promptly told him that he must tell Mad Maya.

Dev put if off – probably knowing what her reaction would be – and his worst suspicions were confirmed when he did tell her and she ran away.

Sunita as always was there to pick up the pieces. “You’re a good friend,” Dev told her, although it’s clear to everyone but him that she longs to be much more than that.

Steve is also staring death in the face after discovering that Liz was back and working behind the bar at The Rovers. “I won’t rest ‘til you’re reunited with Amy,” she told him. “And you’ve left that poison witch of a wife.”

Karen was equally delighted to see her mother-in-law. “Look what’s crawled out the gutter,” she snarled.

There was another welcome return for the Street’s other wicked witch: our Cilla. The Street has been a duller (and quieter) place since Cilla ran away with Uncle Ronnie.

She made her re-appearance outside Chesney’s school gates. “’Ello, Chesney, “she said, in a growl that only decades on the Superkings could produce. Cilla went on to explain her absence to her son. “I’m like a lioness, luv. I need to go away huntin’ fer food for us.”

Chesney, being 10, believed her and let her into Les’ house, hoping for a happy reunion. Unfortunately for Cilla, Les had already had a happy reunion; with his ex wife Janice.

Les had (finally) decided that Janice was the woman for him and set about wooing her. Being a Battersby, however, his wooing was something out of the ordinary – he decided to dress up in daughter Leanne’s belly-dancing outfit and turn up at the factory bearing gifts: 40 fags.

They say there’s someone out there for everyone and it’s clearly the case: who else but Janice Battersby would be won over by a ginger man in a bra top and knocked-off fags?’

Posted: 25th, June 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink