Boiling With Rage

‘FORGET the real IRA, Hamas and al-Qaeda, a new terrorist force has arrived on these shores. The Lobster Liberation Front is among us.

‘I’m coming after you!’

The Guardian says that the LLF (not to be confused with the Popular Front For The Liberation Of Lobsters) is claming responsibility for an attack on Chapman’s Pool, Dorset.

The paper has a picture of lobster fisherman/murderer Jonathan Lander standing by one the pots smashed by the nefarious and shadowy LLF.

The damage wrought by the LLF will cost £10,000 to repair – and there will be more attacks.

A notice posted on the Internet, and reproduced by the Telegraph, declares: ‘The war against the lobster industry has begun.

‘We will attack anywhere, at any time. Pots will be smashed, boats sunk, and sealife liberated. We are ready, are you?’

The simple answer is that we weren’t, but now we are.

We’ve taken the chance to fortify Anorak Towers with vats of boiling water, pairs of crackers and sprigs of fresh parsley.

If any lobster tries to get in, we’ll boil it alive!’

Posted: 30th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink